Doubt as Disbelief

The one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways. (James 1:6-8)

Whatever does not proceed from faith is sin. (Romans 14:23)

FAITH here is understood, not as a profession of something you do not believe, but as belief, trust, reliance upon something. You believe in A, or that P, if and to the degree that you are ready to act with reliance upon A or as if P were the case. We always "live up to" (or "down to": really, right at) our beliefs. (The Faith of Unbelief, Dallas Willard)

When I do things while doubting them, I think I sin. I am thinking of doubt not as mere uncertainty, but mixed with skepticism. To doubt something is not merely to say, "I don't know," but to say, "I suspect it's not so." I must work to relieve my doubts before I go about my practice, otherwise I find my efforts to be hindered and biased. Doubt indicates some level of distrust. It indicates that my will is not settled, but divided.

James pictures doubt like a wave in a storm. It is blown here and there. There is a lack of control. The person in doubt “wavers.” Living in doubt is like living on a boat with no sails or oars. It is a life not only without direction, but without the means of steering.

Another picture is that of a person with two minds. He (they?) possesses two sets of thoughts, feelings, and beliefs and goes back and forth between them. The stumbling between the two minds makes him unstable, staggering and unable to be steady in anything in his life. A poignant picture of this is split personalities and neuroses.

Paul indicates that a person who doubts proceeds with something other than faith, trust, and confidence. We must live by trust if we are to live at all. The consequence is of not living by this trust is to steer completely out of God’s desire for us and away from God himself. I cannot walk with God and distrust him as well.

So doubt is characterized with wavering, instability, and missing out on God. Trusting God (not just trusting something about him) brings certainty, stability, and relationship with him. When my relationship with God is well, doubt does not remain in my mind.

Using Dallas Willard’s description of faith, I find that doubt is not being ready to act with reliance on or trust in someone or something. Doubt is hesitation that comes from divided loyalty. “No one can serve two masters,” Jesus says (Matthew 6:24). Trying to do so brings doubt.

Like anger, doubt is part of the human condition. Nothing is wrong with either in themselves. But when a person harbors anger, it becomes rage or contempt and becomes sin. Similarly, when I hold on to doubts without addressing them, they bring the life that James writes about, one that is wavering and unstable and unable to receive anything from God.

God does not intend for me to live in doubt; he wants me to live in trust and confidence. It is not that God doesn’t want me to ask questions. I am told to ask. In doubt, however, the questions become accusations and God becomes silent for the most part. It is not so much that he won’t answer, but that I can’t hear him.

As my trust and confidence in God grows, I encounter doubts. They come as assumptions that have to be torn down and thoughts and feelings that have to be replaced (2 Corinthians 10:3-6). I find they cannot be safely ignored, but some battles go on for quite a while.

Lord, I see how doubt can identify areas of distrust in my life. I do not want to let them remain, poisoning my life in you and with you. Conquer these places that stand against you. You are my help and shield. Amen.

Bucket Life or Wading Deeper

If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water. (John 4:10)

The [bountiful] free gift of God is eternal life through (in union with) Jesus Christ our Lord. (Romans 6:23)

Our family pondered John 4 the other day. Bethany, my youngest, said that she sensed the waters of baptism washing over her (vv. 1-2), and then sensed the living water running cool and refreshing inside her. What a beautiful picture of baptism! Not just a bath or sprinkle, but a reminder of the true baptism: rivers of living water flowing from Christ through us. (John 7:38)

I heard God say, "If you knew the gift of God, you would not be so amazed at my love for people." What is this gift? Living water. Eternal life with Jesus. God giving himself. The gift of God is not mere forgiveness, but life with him, having a home with the Father, Son, and Spirit. It is flowing and moving like a river, not locked in a well.

Eternal life without a conversational relationship with God is like having that bucket and drawing out water from a well. I come to the well when I am thirsty. I dabble in the spiritual here and there when it suits me. I keep it in the bucket of my religion or "faith." It is mine to enjoy or dispense of as I see fit. This is "bucket life."

When eternal life is eternal living, when the presence and power of God influence my life each day, even each moment, then I find that I am afloat in living waters. They come from within and surround me. I am immersed in a different life. I cannot hold it in a bucket, but find I am flowing along with God in a life.

The bucket can seem appealing when the life of God sweeps me away from my desires and my demands. I sometimes find I want the bucket and the feeling of control over my life. I want to be able to put it down and pick it up when it suits me.

But life is not like that. I have been told that the world doesn't just stop when I need a break - life goes on. Of course, that image is more sinister in that the world runs over people; God doesn't. But eternal life is not subject to my control. I cannot hold a river in a bucket.

I have found more and more that eternal living is a cooperative project between myself and God. We are working on it together. God doesn't just tell me what to do - that's "bucket life." "He walks with me and talks with me and tells me I am his own." He wants my input and my involvement. Eternal life moves and changes and grows.

Although my choices are essential, eternal living in union with Christ is about him. The living water is his gift to give and mine to receive. He wants me to receive it cheerfully, not under compulsion, so we talk things through and work together. Most often, the choice I have is whether I will jump in and wade deeper or stay on the banks with my bucket.

Lord, your life goes on. Let it not be without me. I want to know the your gift and be immersed in your family, your presence, your life. Amen.

Hearing Before Seeing

The eye is the lamp of the body. (Matthew 6:22)

As I thought about the scripture immediately preceding this one - "Do not store up for yourselves treasure on earth. . . , but store up for yourselves treasure in heaven" - I realized that just as lust and greed stare at objects and "store them up" for continued reflection and enjoyment, devotion and virtue can also use the eyes to store up things for reflection and enjoyment. Staring and focusing one's eyes is a method for storing things up in ones heart. "Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also."

I do not think it is accidental that Jesus teaching about the lamp of the body follows this treasure passage in the Sermon on the Mount. My eyes can store things in my heart and illuminate my body. The body can be a very dark place, full of unpredictable actions and confusing feelings, when the eye is turned away from the light of God and is focused on the desires of the body. I find myself quickly conflicted and frustrated.

When the eye is turned to the things that feed the soul with peace and order, such peace is stored in the heart, and then the body becomes a fully lit room. Instead of tripping over the body and its desires as in a dark room, the light gives such desires their place in my life.

What is this light for the eyes? Eyes are hungry. They long to see. They can be filled with words and images of God's goodness or with words and images that inflame the body and heart to lust and anger. The eyes fill the body with light or with darkness. They take in what the body enjoys and what the heart stores and ponders. I see that such light is not only perceiving things with my eyes, but really "seeing" them. I do not merely look, but I take in certain things and let them settle into my heart.

I must learn to use my eyes to see the Creation. I hear words, really. But I see what they create. I see ideas, inventions, and intentions from words. These are creations, too. When I connect the words to what I see, then I understand. Seeing is the completion of hearing. I hear, "Let there be light" and then I see, "And there was light." My eyes bring to light what words have been spoken in and through myself and also in and through others.

Dallas Willard says, "Faith is not opposed to knowledge, but opposed to sight." Blindness, however, does not necessarily increase faith. It is a matter of precedence. I do not see to believe, but rather I believe so I can see. Faith comes from hearing (Romans 10:14). Then the eyes are the lit lamp that illuminates the body and all creation.

Lord, let me learn how to hear so I can see. Let my seeing fill my body with light and store up treasures in my heart that cannot be stolen or fall into decay. Let my eyes be the lamp of my body. Amen.