God's Will to Forgive and Heal

Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.  “I am willing,” he said.  “Be clean!”  (Mark 1:41)

Somehow I have come to believe that it is God’s will that I remain in sickness.  Somehow I have come to see Jesus saying to me, “I am not willing.  Remain unclean.”  My prayers have been heavily affected by this belief.  They are filled with the phrase “Your will be done” which does not really seek God’s will, but instead embraces resignation that God really is unwilling.

It is not God that is unwilling.  The One who came with the good news, with the announcement of the year of the Lord’s favor, did not ever withhold healing and forgiveness.  He reached out his hand and touched and healed and forgave without measure and without hesitation.  No, it is not God who is unwilling.

I find that I am unwilling.  Somehow I hold onto my sicknesses of mind, body, and soul.  I refuse to give them up.  I do not see God with the trust that Jesus had, but instead I am full of hesitation and doubt.  His promises are laid out in the Bible: “Praise the Lord, O my soul, . . . who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases.”  (Psalm 103:1,2)  His life is displayed in Jesus, the compassionate healer, the flagrant forgiver.  It is plain.  God is willing, but somehow I am not.

Faith provides the key and the answer.  Simply, I do not trust God.  I would rather wrestle with my sins and sickness than give them up into his hands.  My faith is weak.  I cannot picture what health and wholeness is like in my body, mind, and soul.  I cannot picture such love and brotherhood in my church.  I cannot picture peace and unity in the world.  Help my unbelief!

That is what Jesus does.  Not only does he live.  Not only does he heal.  Not only does he forgive.  He sends his Spirit into my heart so that I may also accept these gifts and live in them, live with them.  Faith becomes living with God and his will rather than living apart from him in doubt.  My Jesus is where my faith lives and grows.

Lord, I struggle hard to believe.  I want to let that go.  I try hard to be healed and forgiven.  I want to let that go, too.  Instead I want to embrace a faith in Jesus, which also contains the faith of Jesus.  Renew my mind, so that I my see and live in faith instead of doubt.  For your sake and for your glory.  Amen.

One practice of seeing in faith is letting go of my doubts.  With the Lord dwelling in me, for instance, pride does not dwell.  I have old thought-habits of pride, but with forgiveness, they are merely thoughts.  I want to learn to put them aside gently and say, “I know you are willing.  I know you live in me.  Where you live pride does not dwell.  These are just old habits that need to be cleaned up.