The Loneliness of Pain

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My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds;

my neighbors stay far away. . . .

O Lord, do not forsake me;

be not far from me, O my God. (Ps. 38:11,21)

People have a natural aversion to pain, even its presence in other people. We fear pain and suffering. Even the reflection of it in someone else's eyes causes us to duck and run.

This explains why I spend so much time pretending that everything is OK. The only way I can reveal my suffering with other people is through complaining and arguing. Real disclosure causes the "duck and run" response in most people. Fear of loneliness makes me bury my troubles and struggles.

In this psalm, David does not have an easy solution to this. I can't recall a psalm where the person in distress says, "I went to my friends and they made it all good." There is a real loneliness in suffering and difficulty. David appeals to God and God alone for his comfort and healing.

Of course, by experience I know that God does send people to help, but often it is not who I expect (or even want). Also, God has to send them for their comfort to be effective and real. Like so many other things, I cannot access God's remedies directly, but only through him, like a doctor who gives prescriptions. He will always bring help, comfort, and healing, but it has to be in his way and in his time.

I feel lonely a lot when I am sad and suffering. Or maybe I feel sad when I am lonely. It's hard to figure out which comes first. Perhaps they are always concurrent. The prayer that speaks to me today is this: Be not far from me, O my God. This prayer, of course, addresses where the pain really comes from: distance from God.