In a world best described in Psalm 63:1 as a "dry and weary land where there is no water," there apparently is hope of satisfaction. The psalm reports a grand feast available in the praise and wonder of God. Such a feast is not merely figurative, but real. It is real sustenance.
Because it is a real sustenance, the lack of such a relationship with God - one filled with wonder, praise, and fulfillment - is a real emptiness. Thus it is important that the world keep such "food" figurative and other-worldly.
But that is beside the point that I sensed God was making to me this morning. When faced with this psalm of satisfaction in God, I asked him, "I know that you do not need people, but love them intensely. How can I grow into this?"
At the back of this question is a realization that the critics and opponents of Jesus hated the crowds of people and yet feared them and loved their respect, their fear, and even their approval. Jesus was the opposite apparently. He loved the crowds and had compassion on them, but did not fear them, nor need their respect, fear, or approval.
The answer was quick this time. "You need to be needed. Instead you just need to know that you are needed." As I chewed on that, two things came to mind. First, I could readily grasp what it was like to be with a person who needs to be needed versus one who knows that they are needed. One argues, pushes, and begs. The other offers, waits, and longs.
I have a large need to be needed. This need wars with my satisfaction in God often. This thought opened up a second thought. The desire to be needed is not bad in itself. I think it is grounded in the knowledge that I am unique and therefore significant. With an eye on myself as a creation, I see that my need to be needed can be satisfied with the knowledge that God has a place and work for me to do that is unique to my condition and being. This is where my need to be needed can find a home.
So Jesus says, "You are the salt of the earth. You are the light of the world. You are important." Although the earth is full of the waste of much that is important and focused on trivialities, God will not waste what he has made. Even those who rebel against him will find they are part of his purpose of showing his love to everyone. That being said, God's desire is for each person to take their place in his kingdom, creating, building, loving. It is a marvel that there is room enough for everyone without having mere copies.
I need to let go of that need to be needed and embrace the knowledge that I am needed because of what God is making in me. Also, each person is important because of what God is making in each of them. It is very possible that my need to be needed sidetracks people from their calling and purpose when I want them to affirm mine. No doubt encouragement is a good thing, but it will never satisfy that gnawing need for approval.
I hope to experience more of that Psalm 63 satisfaction by letting go of that need to be needed and reflecting frequently on how God has a place and work for me in his kingdom. From Psalm 63, thankfulness and praise may help me to find that satisfaction. I am learning how that thank God for who I am and where I am as I recognize more of who he is and where he is. In this way praise lead back to thankfulness. The more I see and know that God longs for intimacy with me and is deeply involved in my life from day to day, the more I understand that he wants me to be with him and work with him on very real things in my world.
Lord, forgive me for weighing my desire to serve others mostly against how much they will fill my need for approval. It pushes me toward seeking recognition and away from loving people. Teach me contentment in my assigned post so I might serve other people with love and without an eye toward greatness of any kind. Have mercy on me, Father. Your approval is all I need. Amen.
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