Many Words and a Hasty Heart

Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart, to utter anything before God. (Ecc. 5:2)

They think they will be heard because of their many words. (Mt. 6:7)

As I was driving to work, I was arguing with some people in my heart. I planned the words I would say in response to their thoughts and arguments. I laid out my own arguments in my mind to make sure they contained no holes.

Then as I pondered some scripture God spoke these verses to me. I could see plainly that I was planning on nothing other than being quick with my mouth. The context in Ecclesiastes is making vows to God. They must be sincere. And yet Jesus expanded these such vow-taking to include all of my speech: "Let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No.'"

I sought to become quick with my mouth. I used a hasty heart. A hasty heart is an impatient one. My impatience is with other people. I planned to corner them with my mouth. Such impatience and arguing does not only fail when I come before God, it also fails when I talk with other people.

The Lord deepened his warning to me in with another verse. Again, this verse is addressing prayer to God specifically, but it addresses a general mode of thought that Jesus labeled "pagan" or simply "unbelieving." The thought is that my words will save, protect, and bring me a hearing and understanding from God and from others. If I don't take care of myself, no one else will. This is the heart of unbelief, a lack of trust.

Again, this is not only untrue in prayer, it also is untrue with words in general. I feel compelled to say so many things to defend myself or make myself look good, but in the end such a torrent of words actually does the opposite. The plans of my hasty heart become obvious because I stop listening and keep talking. I stop listening to other people in the eagerness to control, manipulate, or please them. I stop listening to myself in the eagerness to defend, justify, and appear good. I stop listening to God in the presumption that I already know what he wants, or in the fear that he may want something other than what I want.

As an encouragement, God placed a longing in my heart. The longing was for him and his words to me. Then he told me something else. He said that the longing I have for him he has for me. It is mutual. My words melted away at this. I saw he also longs for each person in this way. Instead of thinking I will be heard because of my many words, I wondered if I might be heard because of the longing behind my words.

What prayer would reach my Father's ears better than "Abba! Father, always near. Nothing is more special than being in your reality, in your presence!" And similarly, with myself, "I praise God because I am fearfully and wonderfully made! I am the salt of the earth and the light of the world." And with other people, "Let me bring you to Jesus, when you are weary and heavy-laden. He will bring you rest." Not just the words, but the longing and love behind them are what count. They go together. A mere sentiment is not enough, but neither are mere words without a life and loving intention behind them.

I need to practice this longing and loving. I need to see the delight that brings God such joy. I need such longing to be a permanent resident in my heart.

Lord, help me to exchange arguing for blessing, worrying for thanking, forgetting for praising as I learn to long for you and your ways in my life. Let this longing and love be what overflows from my heart instead of impatience and the many words that I have. Let me rest in this: You know what I need before I ask because you long for me and are close to me. Father! Be near to me. Amen.

God's Guidance Through Trust

He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name's sake. (Ps. 23:3)

Part of the provision of God as my shepherd is his continual guidance. Perhaps this is the main thrust of Jesus' promise, "I will be with you, even to the very end of the age." (Mt. 28) God's guidance is part of the declaration, "I shall not be in want." (Ps.23:1) I will never want for guidance.

Often I do feel a lack of guidance, however. I feel left alone to figure it all out. Is this God leaving me? There may be times in which he wants me to make a choice with a number of things being "his will," just like I may be pleased if my kids decide to play inside or play outside. I am delighted with both.

More often I have a sense that my problem is not with God hiding, but from my own impatience. "Just tell me what to do!" I want to know the easiest way to get through life and I want to use God's omniscience to pave the way. When I do not receive the kind of guidance I want or think I need, then I ask again or look elsewhere, assuming that God has indeed abandoned me to my own devices.

God's agenda is different. He wants me to become like Jesus. He wants to have an intimate relationship with me. He wants me in the family of the heavens, with the Trinity and all the hosts that live with him. Quick and easy answers do not always fit into his purposes. Love, peace, joy, patience, and strength are not developed in my life through just being told what to do for a pain-free existence.

Although I may be overlooking his guidance, he is near and guiding me. The path he takes me on is not the path of doing it right all the time, but the path of becoming the right sort of person. God wants my heart to change and grow in love, not just for me to do the right things. The path of righteousness is, as Abraham and all other believers have found, a path of trust, of faith. Without trusting God as a caring shepherd for myself, the wandering sheep, I will never find true righteousness developing in my life. Instead I will just want to be "right."

All this is done because God is who he is. It's for his name's sake. He will not abandon me because of what he is like. He will guide me because that is what God does. He will take me on paths of true right-ness because that is what he is like. He is truth. He is right. He chooses to do it through loving trust and relationship rather than through coercion or mere command.

Lord, I find myself trying to do what is right, trying to find my way, without drawing close to you. I want answers without trust. I know because I do not wait expectantly. When I become desperate, let me learn how to wait quietly for you to find me, my Shepherd. Amen.

Watch and Pray

Night time is one of the worst times of my day. I do not usually go to bed ready to rest, but exhausted. I am accustomed to my mind merely going blank rather than thankful or with joy. I have adopted a practice that I hope to make habitual of "watching" and praying for a short time before I go to sleep.

"Watch and pray" Jesus said to the sleepy disciples in Gethsemane. He did not equate their sleepiness to merely a "hard day," but a weakness in their bodies. They were not able to receive enough strength from praying to keep them from sleeping. I do not see this as just willpower, but as the body trumping the spirit in the life of the disciples.

My experiences have been good, but easy to forget or disregard. In the evenings, I find that this scripture applies at times: "In your anger do not sin; when you lie on your beds, search your hearts and be silent." (Ps. 4:4) There's so much to be angry about at night: frustrated desires or disappointment over the day. Instead I hope to find the light of God's face (Ps. 4:6) and the joy of being with him, even into the night.

Lord, I want to watch for you so that I can see you more readily both in the day and in the night. Increase my attentiveness; grace my efforts; bless my nights. I look forward to joy in you, Father. Amen.

A Picture Lesson from a Church

I love this picture. Something about it draws me. It is an African church.

I think I am moved by the concentration that these people are showing over the Bibles. They haven't just read the passage and then set it aside waiting for someone to tell them what it all means. It seems they are reading and re-reading the passage, seeking to really understand and take it all in.

Also the discussion from the gentleman in the group of listeners shows that this experience with the Bible is not merely passive. With the Bible open in his hand, he seems to really be expressing something from his heart.

Finally, the sparseness of their surroundings shows their desire to gather and study and ponder and learn even without a comfortable and easy situation.

Just a few things that may contribute to why this picture moves me. There is something fresh and unencumbered about it.

"Blessed is the man

who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,

or stand in the way of sinners,

or sit in the seat of mockers,

but his delight is in the law of the Lord,

and on his law he meditates day and night." (Ps. 1:2)

Lord, may my heart come before you fresh and unencumbered as I feast on your word alone and may I find a place to feast as these people are doing with others. Let me bring my whole self to the meal and not just my mind or my feelings or my latest activities, but everything. My vision may be idealistic, but may it be supported by your grace and the power of your Spirit. Amen.

God Is Love: The Family of Trinity

In an effort to understand how the spiritual disciplines of solitude and silence can overcome loneliness, I began to think about the Trinity. I began to see how being with God is not so much like being with another person, but in a family. I began to see that I long to know that God delights in me and enjoys me, but even more, that he delights in himself as Trinity, kind of like I delight in being with my family and watching them love each other as well as me.

Then as I read from one of the gospels this morning, I realized how much God the Father wants to have company for Jesus and looks for such people, who will enjoy "the family" of the Trinity. Jesus spent most if not all his time talking about how life is with his Father in the kingdom of heaven, sort of like saying, "Here's what my dad does at my house with the family." Perhaps the kingdom of heaven is above all the "family life" of Father, Son, and Spirit and those with them.

It also helped me see how I could believe in Jesus - admire him and follow him - but miss the boat on his Father. Unless I understand the goodness and love of God the Father, none of what Jesus says will make any sense. Perhaps this is what he meant by: "That is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled him." (Jn. 6:65) The first step to understanding Jesus is admiring his Father and trusting him. Although I can and need to make a choice there, I cannot do it alone without God "enabling" me to see him for who he is. In order to understand Jesus as the "Beloved Son," I must accept and embrace God as his loving, all-powerful Father as well.

The reason I am so interested in this interaction is that I am suspecting that this trinitarian community is the only thing that can cure the loneliness and fear that drives human (my) sin. Jesus, knowing this, spent his time talking about the life of God in Trinity, and opened the door for my entry. He spent his time showing that the glory of God - his love, goodness, rightness, power, etc. - is what I can join him in trusting and worshiping. I can enjoy God through Jesus, but I can also enjoy the Father with Jesus.

This may me some more of the profound effect of The Shack on so many people. It was not only the truth that God can spend time with each of us, being "especially fond" of each of us, but also that we can spend time with a loving family of Father, Son, and Spirit, and enjoy their enjoyment of each other. As a father, I am pleased that my children love me, passionate about my kids loving their mom, and ecstatic when they love each other. I delight in seeing love displayed at least as much as I delight in receiving love directly. This may be what fends off loneliness and fear mostly: a shared love and admiration for each member of the family.

So I long to join the family and begin to read about how Jesus explains the goodness of being together with him and the Father and the Holy Spirit. "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him." (Jn. 14:23) By following Jesus I come to find that the Father loves me because I love his Son. Where there is love for Jesus, the Father can make a home where mutual love can occur, where I receive the love of the Father and the Son and where I see the love of the Father for the Son and the love of the Son for the Father. God's love for me is that basis of my love for God, but even before that God's love within himself is what brings his love for me. So in 1 John, before the truth that "we love because he first loved us" comes "God is love" (4:16,19).

I can't say I understand this fully, but I feel hope that I might understand that "God is love" much better. I believe I can understand him better because that is what Jesus came to teach, and he is the only one who could teach about this "family life" since he came from it.

Father, you sent Jesus to me to show and teach me about your shared love and how you want me to be part of it. Jesus, you came in obedience and taught and received everyone who loved the Father. Spirit, you are the life and love that stays within my life forever, lifting me up to the place where Jesus left, pointed to, and returned: the Father's side, the Father's hearth, the Father's home. Let me be with you God, in all your love, receiving, sharing, and standing in awe of your amazing goodness. You are so good. Amen.

Jesus Loves Leftovers

Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted. (Jn. 6:12)

I've always been warned not to over-allegorize the Bible. Don't take little details and blow them up into central doctrines. But in John, I have been finding that he seems to pack a lot even in the details, like the Master. Also, I just couldn't resist here.

Last night we had some "Artisan" bread with our dinner. It was the second night in a row we had bought some from the store. My daughter said, "Is this homemade? It's wonderful!" What a pretty loaf it was. A nice oval with a cut down the middle. A shiny brown crust. It tasted pretty good too.

That's what I've always wanted to be in my Christian walk. A nice, pretty loaf that tastes good too. Not only do I look good, I actually do good as well. What a pleasant surprise that would be. Not what anyone expects at all. (I wonder why. . .)

Well, here's my reality. I'm a leftover. Partially chewed, a little stale. No perfect loaf here. There may be some good taste, but it is more a memory of a good meal rather than the real thing. Sometimes I feel downright moldy! So much for the perfect loaf dream.

Here's the good news. The new twelve tribes of Israel (and really this goes for the original as well), are like twelve baskets of left over bread pieces after a grand meal. The kingdom not only is a grand feast supplying all I need, it is also a place for the leftovers like myself. I am glad I can be part of the feast, even if it is as a left over.

Jesus said, "Gather the pieces that are left over." What a calling for these disciples! Looking at the crowds that Jesus loved and served, I can see he must really had a thing for leftovers. These were the people that had nothing to offer really. What an idea of "poor in spirit" - something almost forgotten in the back of the refrigerator! Yep, that's how I really am. The gathering of all these leftovers could only mean a future feast. Rather than say, "Throw it away and get something better," Jesus says, "Gather them for a new feast, one that comes from the power of my hands into the pieces of everyday people's lives."

Jesus said, "Let nothing be wasted." The leftovers from this feast are precious. Not because leftovers are precious, but because of the feast they come from. The kingdom of God has come in the hand of Jesus that broke the bread and multiplied it. My life may be chewed up and partially eaten, but it becomes precious when it is placed in the basket of life. To be left on the ground is to be lost, wasted. Jesus wants nothing wasted from his kingdom, even what is broken and gnawed on.

Lord, I find my desire to be a perfect loaf is constantly frustrated. Rather, let me be gathered into your life - a life that feeds and nourishes. Let me not be wasted because I have not been gathered. Truly, the gathering must be into the community of the Trinity. In that place there is not waste, but renewal and usefulness. Let me be gathered into that love and not left out because I am ashamed of being a leftover. Amen.

My Soul Is a Stream

My people have committed two sins:

They have forsaken me,

the spring of living water,

and have dug their own cisterns,

broken cisterns that cannot hold water.

(Jer. 2:13)

I think the place where I was most influenced by this verse was in Larry Crabb's Connecting, when he wrote about the different strategies we have in trying to relate with people other than really connecting with them in Christ. I don't remember everything he said, but likely I will echo much of what is there.

I think of my soul. It is a living, moving thing, but I tempted to treat it like a bowl. I want my life to be a pool. I can dip in and draw from it when I want to. The problem is that, like a cistern, such a pool depends on rain and reuses the water. Also the water has to be cleaned somehow to remain drinkable.

The metaphor will break down, of course. But what I sense is that I long for my soul to find a stasis that I can control and hold. Unfortunately, like any stagnant pool, the water in my soul cannot remain fresh or even drinkable. Also, my soul leaks.

The fact that my soul "leaks" gives a clue to its true function. It is not meant to hold water, but to guide a stream. It is a stream-bed more than a cistern. It is meant to hold "living," flowing water. Too much pooling or damming does violence to its function: bringing life to and through all the aspects of my being, my heart, mind, and body.

The trouble with streams is that they flow where they will and not where I would have them go. So my soul acts almost independently of my desires. "Why so downcast, O my soul?" is the pained question of how I cannot hold and control the life that comes and goes through my soul. I cannot control my soul, but I can seek to restore it.

Jeremiah says in the same chapter: "Now why go to Egypt to drink from the Shihor? And why go to Assyria to drink water from the River?" Innately, I know my soul needs restoration, but I have a part of me that does not want to go to God. I want restoration to be quick and easy, not slow and difficult. This is one way of sin, forsaking the way of God and seeking something else that seems easier or better. As Dallas Willard says, "Temptation is the thought that you're missing out on something." The irony is that Jesus' way may seem more difficult, but really it is easier than than what I often try to do: grab and hold water.

But the fact remains that God is the only spring and everything else leaks out and provides not living water, but sitting water that seems fresh, but quickly becomes stagnant and leaks out. I find that the most disturbing part of God's restoration of my soul is that it flows. I cannot keep it or control it, I must receive it from moment to moment. It involves continual interaction, that is, real relationship with him. Only then is my soul restored.

One picture of such a restoration and its cost as well as joy is the picture in the Two Towers of the Ents restoring the flow if the river (Entwash?) through Saruman's domain, washing away the dams and the war machines and the orcs and bringing life back to that whole region, through the defeat of evil and the return of the river to its God-given purpose, watering and bringing life, rather than powering machines for war and domination.

God bringing living water through my soul is hard in how it washes away my dams that seek to contain and hold it for my own purposes. I must also allow it to flow through me. Love is not merely something I receive, it is (more importantly) something that I give. It is not so important because my love accomplishes so much, but because it is what I am made to do and, really, what I long to do. The soul is made to facilitate such giving, so that it springs from God and returns to him, in worship, wonder, awe, service to others, and welcoming them. I cannot truly receive love from the Lord without returning it to him. That is the nature of Trinity, a community I am called to be a part of. As Trinity, love flows in, through, and out of God.

Lord, let me live in the flow of your love. Let me clear the path for this stream of living water rather than try to dam and keep it. Bathe and wash my whole life with your beauty, goodness, and love flowing through my soul. Amen.