Servant of the Word

Today I'm sick, but not so much that I can't read or write.  I spent part of this morning trying to prepare for a time of scripture study.  I read Sacred Reading by Michael Casey over the holiday.  He mentioned reverence as a precursor to scriptural meditation.  I thought I would find some ways to develop reverence for the Bible.

I began by looking for a Bible to read out of.  Many of my copies have writing in them, which I was worried might be distracting.  Also the study Bibles have notes and numbers and letters all over the place which can be distracting as well.  I was not able to find anything just right, but I found that removing the Bible from its protective cover with all the pockets and pens helped.  I could hold it more easily.

As I looked in our little storage room outside (brrrr), I discovered that many of the books I have collected over the years have been study helps and commentaries on the Bible.  Somehow when I saw them, they did not seem as inviting as I looked for help with reverence.  So many words.  And so many of them only partially read.  Somehow I felt they were not what I was looking for.

So I took my Bible out of its jacket and held it up and offered a prayer.

The law of the Lord is perfect

reviving the soul.

The statutes of the Lord are trustworthy

making wise the simple

The precepts of the Lord are right

giving joy to the heart.

The commands of the Lord are radiant

giving light to the eyes.

The fear of the Lord is pure

enduring forever.

The ordinances of the Lord are sure

and altogether righteous.

They are more precious than gold,

sweeter than honey from the comb.

By them is your servant warned,

and in keeping them there is great reward.

(From Psalm 19)

A quiet rested on me.  I began to read slowly and reflectively from Colossians.  And so I found 1:23: "This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant."  I was moved by the text.  I saw something of the heart that Paul had as he served the church, even people he had never seen.  He was a servant of the word of truth, the gospel.

I saw now why so much of my learning seemed to miss the mark as I studied the Bible.  I came to master the Bible.  Reverence asked me to become a servant of the Bible.  I have so many things I want to tell people from the Bible, but how often have I really handled it well?  I wanted so much to speak as one who knows, one who has mastered the Bible.  I found that some people were impressed, but rarely changed.

I had wonder and awe, but they were quickly submerged in my desire to argue a point or address a problem.  I felt the dis junction, but I could never quite put my finger on how to deal with it.  Paul was joyful in these Colossians and how they received this gospel word he served for Jesus' sake.  Like a waiter serving a grand meal, he served the gospel to this church.  He removed whatever obstacles he could so they could really dine upon it.

I feel that this journey may free me to study, learn, and even teach in an entirely different way.  Reverence before the Bible is just another expression of submission to the Lord.

Lord, please make me like your servant, Paul, who served you, your gospel, your word, and your people.  Let reverence put reins on my pride and enable me to be a better student of your Word and of Jesus.  Save me from mock reverence and arrogance as I approach your Holy Scripture.  Amen.

Space Versus Privacy

When you pray, you open yourself to the influence of the Power which has revealed itself as Love.  The Power gives you freedom and independence.  Once touched by this Power, you are no longer swayed back and forth by the countless opinions, ideas and feelings which flow through you.  You have found a center for your life that gives you a creative distance so that everything you see, hear and feel can be tested against the source.  Christ is the man who in the most revealing way made clear that prayer means sharing in the power of God.  It enabled him to turn his world around, it gave him the attraction to draw countless men out of the chains of their existence, but it also stirred up aggression which brought him to his death.  Christ, who is called the Son of Man and the Son of God, has shown what it means to pray.  In him, God himself became visible for the fall and rise of many.  (Henri Nouwen, With Open Hands)

One of my favorite images for solitude is sitting in a wide open place.  I grew up near to a canyon and always loved to be near that wide open place.  Vacationing in the Northwest was beautiful, but I would find it hard to be so enclosed in trees since I am so used to the open.  My drive to work goes by a large caldera, an open meadow in the midst of mountain peaks.  I also have enjoyed the desert for its loneliness and openness.

In some of my prayer times, I settle down into an open inner space where I can hear God and leave distractions behind.  When Nouwen talks about a creative space, this is what comes to mind.  Solitude and silence are typical ways in which God can meet people.  I see them as space and openness.  Distractions and temptations crowd me, but God doesn't.  It seems to be in his nature to work in these spaces.

It takes space to make a person.  The space is not mere privacy, separation for other people so I can do what I want to, when I want to.  Privacy makes emptiness.  Most of the things I do in privacy are soul-destroying.  Instead of privacy, I need space, open and inviting.  I need to make room in my life to really be with people.  This takes time alone, but not privacy.

More importantly, such space invites God to speak and teaches me to hear him.  Privacy shuts God out with the clamor of my desires, distractions, and worries.  I need prayer that is open to God's influence, open to his touch.  Such prayer occurs where I make space for God.  It is interesting to me how quickly a "quiet time" can become a private thing in the worst sense instead of a creative distance where I can hear and be heard.  I stand apart and alone so I can learn to draw near without pretending, pushing, or presuming.

Some of the most acetic people in history, the Desert Fathers, understood the concept of space versus privacy.

A brother came to see a certain hermit and, as he was leaving, he said,"Forgive me, Abba, for preventing you from keeping your rule." The hermit replied, "My rule is to welcome you with hospitality and to send you away in peace." (Desert Fathers)

 Creating space does not make friends necessarily.  Not everyone will be happy with such an effort.  Space does create compassion, however.  It is a city on a hill.  It is what makes followers of Jesus into "stars in the universe."  I think that 5 minutes with someone who has real openness in their life is worth many hours with someone who has a crowded, driven life.  The sacrifice is worth it.

Creating space begins with understanding that God has space for me.  "The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in love."  (Psalm 103:8)  "Love is patient."  (1 Corinthians 13:4) When I begin to live in that space, that patient love, I begin to allow such space for other people as well.  I find room for myself when walk into the wide open space of God's love and power.  I find room for myself when I do not crowd other people.  How often do I draw near to other people to pretend I am something I am not, push them into what I think is best for them, or presume that they should see me a certain way?

Lord, I need space.  Deliver me from my tendency to try find space by taking it from other people.  Instead let me find the openness of your arms and the quiet of your gaze.  Let me live under your eye and in your heart, open to what you have for me today.  Amen.

God Values What I Don't

WHEAT AND CHAFF

At a conference I attended everyone was invited to share an item that expressed what God was doing and had done in their life.  One man from Kansas brought some ripened wheat stalks.  I was drawn to these and asked if I could have one to take with me through the days to ponder.  I asked him to show me the grain and the chaff on the wheat stalk.

Wind winnowing is an agricultural method developed by ancient cultures for separating grain from chaff. It is also used to remove weevils or other pests from stored grain. Threshing, the separation of grain or seeds from the husks and straw, is the step in the chaff-removal process that comes before winnowing. "Winnowing the chaff" is a common expression.

In its simplest form it involves throwing the mixture into the air so that the wind blows away the lighter chaff, while the heavier grains fall back down for recovery. Techniques included using a winnowing fan (a shaped basket shaken to raise the chaff) or using a tool (a winnowing fork or shovel) on a pile of harvested grain. (Wikipedia)

I remember taking the stalk of wheat with me for a while before God spoke to me.  He told me that much of what I consider wheat in my life, he calls chaff, and much of what I consider chaff in my life, he calls wheat.  There are weaknesses and trials that I still feel shame about that God considers precious.  I wish such things were not part of my past at all, but some of them are dear to God.  Why?  Did he want me to be weak or defeated?  No, he sees these as the places I drew near to him for hope and encouragement, places where I came to trust him deeply.  "He is like a tree planted by streams of water which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.  Whatever he does prospers."  (Ps. 1:3)  Through these times I planted myself in and near to God.

SEPARATION FROM SUCCESS

I also saw that what I thought to be my best "assets" were things that God had much less interest in.  They were even things that he was trying to separate me from.  Why?  Was he afraid of my doing well or succeeding in something?  No, I believe that many of these abilities and gifts are from him.  I just have a drive to depend on these things to increase my value.  My best talents and abilities are chaff to my Father because he values me apart from them and wants me to see myself the same way.  Wickedness is based upon this drive to be valued apart from God's love for me.  "The wicked are like the chaff that the wind blows away."  (Ps. 1:4)  Grounding my value in my talents and abilities exposes me to continual efforts to raise myself above other people, so that I will be blown here and there by every wind that comes along.

John the Baptist said of Jesus, "His winnowing fork is in his hand."  (Matthew 3:12)  One of the primary works of the kingdom of God is this separation.  Such separation will inevitably lead to each person's eternal destiny - sheep from goats, good fish from bad fish, fruitful trees from unfruitful ones, etc.  This is a warning.  But it is not merely that.  It is also a plea.  Jesus came to separate people from their sins which are always bound up in a heart that values things incorrectly.  When my value lies in what I can accomplish or in how talented I am or in what people say about me, even if it is for the work of God, then I am on the fast track to destruction.

FRUITLESS OR FRUITFUL?

The grain or the fruit of my life lies in the dearness and nearness of God.  A fruitless life is not one in which I accomplish seemingly little, but one in which I grow increasingly sad and bitter against God and other people because they do not think of me as much as I think they should think of me.  Such a life yields only chaff.  It may seem big and quite satisfying because so much of my time is filled up with it, but in the end it is empty, "chasing after the wind" as Ecclesiastes says.  Chaff chases the wind because it has no real substance to ground it.  Such efforts are most quickly recognized because they wither in the sun of persecution and trouble.  Without real trust in God and deep love for him, such efforts will not build anything nor last long.  Lots of smoke, but little heat.

A fruitful life is one in which God accomplishes a lot through the little things I do.  One of the things that made Jesus so remarkable was that even the "big" things he did were small to him.  One time when I played racquetball with a remarkable player.  He was not built like a tank nor was he faster than a speeding bullet.  It was just that ever move he made counted and the smallest flick of his wrist could slam the ball slow low and fast that I could never reach it.  His mastery was not measured by his striving and effort, but by his ease incredible power.  So Jesus could be relaxed and loving and yet so controlled and powerful.

Because of my drive to try to make it without God which is enforced and encouraged generally in most human systems, "the stone that the builders rejected has become the capstone."  (Mark 12:10)  Jesus explains that much of my value system is directed wrongly.  What I consider worth building and working one, God has abandoned as worthless, like building a house or a city on a flood plain, "sinking sand."  The very thing that seems to weak and small to bear the stress of my life becomes, through God's mercy and grace, the very stone that can support my whole life.

I am directed to know Christ more fully through whatever I can and not worry about how much effect those things might have nor about how such things might make me more valuable.  I need merely to ground myself in how much God values me and the rest will work itself out.  My talents and abilities will become my servants and friends instead of my masters.  They will be used with a careless ease instead of a worried drive.  I will be able to find the joy of working in God's strength and gently laughing at my own.

Lord, I so enjoy writing and thinking about your thoughts as laid out in the Bible.  They are my delight and life to me.  Continue to separate the wheat and grain in my life through joy and laughter. Amen.

Leftover Love for My Family

LEFTOVER LOVE

Why does my family receive the leftovers of my love and attention?  Why am I so tempted to devote more of my love, respect, and attention to those outside my house?  These are questions that my family has been asking for a while.

First, the question applies to not only my teen-age kids, but to myself.  One of my first questions when dealing with problems in my kids is the question, "Where did that come from?"  I have to do some careful self-examination avoiding the pitfalls of self-pity and self-justification.  Am I teaching my children that our life as a family is secondary to my work, my friends, or my church positions?  Self-pity says, "I am a rotten father.  I'll never get this right."  Self-justification says, "I'm doing my best.  What more can be expected?"  Both avoid the questions, "What can be done?  What would the Lord have of me?"

As I examine my tendencies to spend time away from home, to hurry my family from on event to another, or to make my family picture-perfect, I find that my attention and my desire is focused on pleasing and impressing people outside my family and home.  Why?  I believe that home and family is only one step away from our own hearts.  My marriage and my kids reflect what sort of person I am far more than my job, my friends, and my church positions.  As with my own heart and private world, I find myself more concerned with my family looking good rather than being good.  As long as everyone else thinks my family is okay, we're okay.  Never mind that we can barely stand being around each other.

If I settle for appearances over reality, that's not good.  If I mistake appearances for reality, that's dangerous and destructive.  The reason real changes in my family are so difficult and time-consuming comes from several factors:

• I do not want to change myself, really.
• I do not know how to change myself.
• I really don't want my family to change much, just in a few ways that will make life easier for myself.
• I do not know how to go about changing my family.

Change and growth seem elusive at best.  Most of the time I want to be struck by lightning or bit by a radioactive spider for change instead of doing any training or effort.  I might wish my family was different, like I wish I was a concert pianist, but wishing only breeds trying and trying is merely an effort expected to fail.  Two things are needed to break out of this situation: encouragement and endurance.

CHANGE BEGINS WITH TRUE HOPE

Hope needs to be set on what is true, otherwise it yields disappointment or even despair.  Jesus was big on truth.  He was always saying, "I tell you the truth" because he knew we needed truth to live by, truth to hope in.  The truth about family is that it is a reflection of the Trinity.  Jesus final word on God is that he  is his Father and our Father.  God's will and desire is bent on redeeming family relationships because, at their best, they give a dim picture of the oneness found in the Trinity.  If I work on my family life, I am deeply involved in the work of God, shining out his image.

Jesus's commands also reflect this.  Part of the greatest commandment is to love our neighbors as ourselves.  Who is our neighbor?  Simply, one who is "nigh" or near.  It may be that one of the big problems of the priest and Levite in the parable of the Good Samaritan was that they were overly concerned with people who were not "nigh" to them.  They were is a hurry to get "there" rather than love the person who was near at them moment. Sometimes that person is a stranger we may not like very much.  More often the ones who are near to me are my wife and kids.

All this talk about Jesus's commands often breeds guilt in my heart because I am used to seeing them used as clubs to beat people rather than hope to lift people. I am as guilty as anyone else. On the contrary, "everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." (Romans 15:4) It is not Jesus who overburdens us with commands that we cannot keep, but ourselves. Loving family is not something I must or should do, but something that I get to do by God's grace. Jesus's commands are always pictures of what I can be like as I walk alongside him bearing the easy yoke.

So this is the encouragement. I am confident that God wants my family to be a center of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. This is his will. He never intended that such a life would be done without him. Jesus does not command what he will not have done by God's grace. His commands provide the picture of a life immersed in the Holy Spirit, a life drawing upon God's kingdom resources, a life dead to dead-end desires. Love is the best word to describe such a life. Family is where such love resides most of the time.

Endurance comes from knowing that when I pick up the burdens in my life, God will be at the other end, doing most of the lifting. Endurance comes from knowing that God will not lift what I I do not lift. My main work of lifting is the work of trusting. My effort begins as I trust God to work in my life. As I understand God's desire to make my family a place where love, joy, and peace reign, I can align my work with his. He takes my small efforts and gives them powerful results I could not have anticipated.

FAMILY MEANS TOGETHER

So what does that all mean? For my family, we do a lot of things together. As a result we do less things in general, since we feel we need and want to do many of them together. One of the most important things we do together is devote ourselves to God. Without such time with him, we cannot go on very long. Such devotion is made up of Bible/devotional readings, sharing work and conversation, eating normal and special meals together, and praying for each other and with each other. God continually meets us as we expectantly come to meet him.

Where are you to begin? Begin where you are. Make that one corner, room, house, office as like Heaven as you can. Begin? Begin with the paper on the walls, make that beautiful; with the air, keep it fresh; with the very drains, make them sweet; with the furniture, see that it be honest. Abolish whatsoever worketh abomination--in food, in drink, in luxury, in books, in art; whatsoever maketh a lie--in conversation, in social intercourse, in correspondence, in domestic life. This done, you have arranged for a Heaven, but you have not got it. Heaven lies within, in kindness, in humbleness, in unselfishness, in faith, in love, in service. To get these in, get Christ in. Teach all in the house about Christ--what He did, and what He said, and how He lived, and how He died, and how He dwells in them, and how He makes all one. Teach it not as a doctrine, but as a discovery, as your own discovery. Live your own discovery. (The City Without a Church, Henry Drummond)

Such a life will transcend the walls of our homes and the intimacy of our families. As we find ourselves trustworthy and able to work with what is small and close, we will find ourselves asked to work more with what is more distant and "big," but, I suspect, never to the exclusion of what is close and small. From the Bible as well as my own life I know that what is "big" and "important" to people in general is never big and important to God. The biggest changes start in the smallest corners and with unlikely people at the heart of them.

Lord, you know my heart. You know how I long to impress other people and how I think that by impressing others I will find the approval I seek. It is not true. Teach me how godliness with contentment is a great gain for myself and my family. Let me know the truth in the words, "Follow me, and I will make you a fisher of people." Just like you, Jesus. Amen.

The Cost of Legalism

Recently, I heard someone ask at church, "What is legalism?"  Mostly, it is a slur thrown around at people who are harsh and overly religious.  As far as that definition goes, I need to ask myself, "Would Jesus be called a legalist if someone met him today?"  Maybe. . . .

Jesus carefully warns his disciples about the "yeast" or teaching of the Pharisees (Mark 8:15).  He describes this yeast that spreads so easily in Matthew 23:

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1. Right words, wrong actions (vv. 2-3)
2. Produces guilt with no freedom (v. 4)
3. Does good deeds for others to see (vv. 5-7)
4. Focuses on authority in position rather than in deed (vv. 8-12)
5. Minimizes God's influence and power in this life (vv. 13-14)
6. Makes converts to an idealism instead of disciples of Christ (v. 15)
7. Uses words to convince instead of clarify (vv. 16-22)
8. Does "good" deeds without good character (vv. 23-24)
9. Outwardly clean without inwardly filthy (vv. 25-26)
10. Outwardly beautiful but inwardly dead and decaying (vv. 27-28)
11. Justified by self instead of by God (vv.29-32)
12. Persecutes and destroys those sent by God (vv.33-36)

 Legalism is a malady of the heart.  It has followers from all walks of life.  It is not defined by a particular viewpoint, but more by a particular attitude, a way of doing things.  Spiritual formation or discipleship or social action that does not have the substance, the reality, the heart of goodness leads inevitably to legalism.  A legalist believes a person can do good without being good.

I am grateful for this teaching in Matthew 23.  Jesus was right to warn me about legalism.  It is a trap. Jesus gives me some words for avoiding this trap:

1. Do everything they tell you.  But do not do what they do, for they do not practice what they preach.  (v.3)
2. The greatest among you will be your servant.  (v. 11)
3. You have one Teacher, the Christ.  (v. 10)
4. First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.  (v. 26)

I count the cost of legalism not only in what bad it does, but also in what good I miss.

1. I will miss being able to practice what I preach.
2. I will miss relieving people of their heavy burdens.
3. I will miss having God as my Master, Father, and Teacher.
4. I will miss being in God's kingdom, in his power and influence.
5. I will miss seeing others come to know Jesus and follow him.
6. I will miss speaking words that bring knowledge and truth.
7. I will miss having a just, merciful, and faithful character.
8. I will miss inward purity.
9. I will miss inward vitality.
10. I will miss being justified by God.
11. I will miss being a prophet, wise man, or teacher sent by God.

Other than the recognition gained from legalism, all it brings is hypocrisy and blindness.

I get all tied up inside when I worry about what everyone else is doing or what everyone else might be thinking about me.  I find that such thoughts carry the temptation of legalism.  Today, I am most moved by the thought that I have one Teacher, the Christ.  Through him I find that I have a Master and a Father as well.  There are many voices out there, but only one I have to attend to, really.

Master, Teacher, Father,  what good do I have apart from you?  Sometimes I fear what following you might cost me, but I see better what it will cost me to not follow you.  Let my surrender be based on counting the cost.  Let my examination bring me to your rule, your lessons, and your arms, loving Father.  Amen.

How the Kingdom of God Comes: With Waiting

Mark 1.1-1.8

Waiting patiently in expectation is the foundation of the spiritual life.  -Simone Weil

If we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.  (Romans 8:25)

For some of my kid's birthdays and Christmases we have had special presents or occasions planned.  The surprise that they felt was planned carefully by Dawn and myself for quite a while before the event happened.  When everything was ready, the surprise unfolded.  Foretold scripture makes me think of that planning for a surprise.  No doubt it says a lot about God's foreknowledge, but fulfilled scripture also shows what God has been planning for a long time and the meaning behind human history.  History is a story full of preparation for the coming of Jesus.

Such preparation was not left to the written word alone, but was fulfilled in the coming of John.  Fulfillment comes when the words come off the page and live and breath in the lives of people and the events of history.  The voice of one calling in the desert comes alive in John.  He immersed people in the waters of the Jordan as a preparation.  For what?  Immersion in the Holy Spirit.  John anticipated the one who would open the door to a new reality where people could be soaked and floating along in the currents of God's Holy Spirit through the words and work of the Messiah.  God just could not wait to bring us such a gift, a surprise that he had always planned on: being one with me.

Scriptural fulfillment is a big picture of what God wants to do with me everyday.  He has wonderful plans in store for me and each person.  He longs to bring them about in my life.  My part is to wait.  Wait with eagerness, with anticipation, with joy.  In the waiting there will be preparation.  In the preparation, personal change.  Those changes will lead to the power to live fully with him and abundantly in a new life.

Lord, it is a good thing you sent one more powerful than I to take me through this life.  With him the yoke of living becomes easy and light.  His presence reaches into the deepest places of my soul, out into the reality of this world, and up into the highest heaven which I cannot even imagine.  I am embraced, held, and carried along daily by your hand.  Fulfill your plans in me and through me, Father.  I hope in you.  Amen.

A Heart that Is Free

A heart that is free

is close companion

 of a peaceful soul.

speak4justice

A free heart is one

that is not attached to its own way

of doing things,

that does not become impatient

when things don't go its way.

A free heart

will surely enjoy spiritual consolations,

but is not dependent on them

and will, to the best of its ability,

accept troubles in their stead.

A free heart

is not so tied

to a schedule or a way of praying

that any change is upsetting

and a source of anxiety.

A free heart is not attached

to what is beyond its control.

A free heart prays to God

that his name be hallowed,

that his kingdom come,

that his will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven.

For if the name of God is hallowed,

if his kingdom is in us,

if his will is being done,

a free spirit need not concern itself

with anything else.

(From Set Your Heart Free: The Practical Spirituality of Frances de Sales, pp.95-97)